There it was, blowin’ in the wind

It’s been a pretty rough few months that included, but is not limited to, the out-of-nowhere illness of my beloved that pretty much put the world on hold, job shit that I’m sure everyone can relate to and the pretty detrimental practice of Letting Myself Go.

While I regret – greatly – the fact that I LMG, I did so for the right reasons to take care of my aforementioned beloved through the past few months because 1. It’s what you do when something like that happens, and 2. It wasn’t even a question because, after all, he is my beloved.

I took on things that I never dreamed I’d do, and in turn, feel that finally at almost 34 years of age, I’m a bona fied grown up. I’m in a grown-up relationship, I’m doing grown-up things, I have a grown-up home, I have a grown-up future.

But by putting myself on the back burner, I did a disservice to myself. I know I can handle everything – and hopefully anything that gets thrown at me from here on out – but I won’t be able to if I’m not feeling good about myself or if I’m feeling sluggish because I’m carrying around extra weight.

To be a fighter, you must be in fighting form.

Today when I walked outside, it hit me.
Thought part of it might be the icy temperatures that seemed like a slap in the face after yesterday’s record-breaking 50+ degrees, but I digress.
I need to take care of me. I can take care of me while taking care of someone without feeling or being selfish. I have to take care of me now more than ever.

So as I walked to my car on this frigid, blustery day, I decided to start a food diary. It’s something that’s always worked in the past for me when I was doing Weight Watchers on my own at home to keep track of points, but now, I’m going to put into practice all those suggestions I’ve read in articles in Shape and Self.

I’m going to write everything I eat – alongside what I’m feeling when I’m eating it. I’m a chronic binger when things get crazy around me. I don’t know why, I just am. Keeping a food diary will help me reel that in, hopefully, and hopefully help me make the changes I need to make to be the best, healthiest me I can be so that I can be the best to the people I love.

As a longtime journaler, this should be an easy task for me, and I look forward to starting. Not tomorrow, but starting with today’s oatmeal and the salad and sandwich I’ll have for lunch.

Keeping such a log of what I’m eating will surely inspire me to not write things like “Housed an entire bag of chips in one sitting,” “Just ate five slices of cheese” or “Inhaled a dozen medium wings,” which I admit has definitely happened more than a few times.

Instead of binging mindlessly, a journal will allow me to think about what I’m eating and if it’s the best option. Sure, I’ll find myself at our favorite wing place on occasion, but instead of “inhaling” a delightful dozen, I’ll get six and counter it with a salad, and soon smaller portions will become second nature.

I’m dedicating time to myself everyday – be it just a stroll around the block or a kick-ass session on the Air Climber – something, anything that will get me moving, clear my head and give me a moment to focus on someone important: Me.

This way I can still be here for the people I love when they need me, and most importantly, when they don’t because really, those are the best times of all.

Nikki

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